professionalism

Thats pics of me trying to look like a real doctor. Sigh...talk about getting socialised and learning norms..

The reminder

I needed that reminder..
thank you for reminding me that it's alright
to fall,
to fail,
and to be upset afterward.
Thank you for reminding me that
God's grace is sufficient.

If you are reading this...and have been hurt by me in the past few weeks...I'm really sorry. Do come look for me so I personally apologise. I've just not been in the best of moods lately so I have not been quite myself. :)

Where are You...?

Am I too blind to see?
Am I too deaf to hear?
Am I too daft to understand?

I can't comprehend what You're doing...
If You would just communicate with me effectively..that would help me alot.
I am frustrated..can't You see?
Don't You know?
Where are You in all of this?
Where are You?

I know You see
I know You hear
And I want to know that You understand
You say You love me and You understand...
But I cant seem to put 2 and 2 together.
This doesnt make sense.

death

O I'd like so much to die in Autumn
In a place where Autumn is real
The dying trees litter the floor with beautiful shades of gold, red, orange, yellow and brown.
The dying trees litter the ground above me
Beauty in death
Beauty in dying.
and cave inward as winter walks by
decay with me
in
the
harsh cold winter
the harsh reality of death.

Segamat kittens

Last Tuesday, Shehara and I 'stumbled' across a box of 4 hungry kittens abandoned outside and electrical shop nearby our hotel. They were left to die. So Shehara and I decided that since we can't take them back to the hotel to care for them...we would sit by the 5-foot-way and feed them some of my low fat milk. We sat and fed them for a whole 2 hours.






Shehara is an animal lover. She is Vegan because she is an animal lover. She has the personal cellphone number of a Vet in KL because she is an animal lover. She feeds the strays outside Monash University and takes them regularly to the Vet because she is an animal lover. She did this...because she is an animal lover. I on the other hand...just wanted some fun.

Rural and venepuncture

The 2 weeks at rural have been challenging. It has been difficult having to share a room for 2 weeks with someone else and not having my personal space which I'm so used to and treasure greatly. The merdeka weekend that I spent in JB was super relaxing and fun though. Keith was a good host. Just some pictures of my time at rural and in JB/Skudai.

Venepuncture practical took place a LONG time ago but I just go the pictures of my friend, Shehara. This was the very first time I EVER drew blood from someone- definitely not the last...

Cyclical

Round and round
I run the wheel
Almost as if I were
Mechanical.

I know not
the beginning
and the end
Yet it is too
Familiar.

Each phase passes
accompanied by
a myriad of emotions
and then it repeats itself.

It mocks me
I give it the satisfation.

No more surprises
I anticipate
the coming- the loop.

Numb
I feel no more.

Like mist
it clouds
and evaporates
and clouds
and evaporates.
and until I stop running
and it evaporates for eternity
I will remain
Trapped.

Trapped in this cynical cycle.

mirror

She stares at me,
with eyes that reveal a void
with eyes that speak of pain
the pain of confinement
of being held captive.
A chosen captivity.

Yet that familiarity that holds her
provides a sense of security-
of comfort
though false, very dear to her
should those barriers fall,
should their hinges come loose,
the waves
of freedom,
of vunerability
may sweep
too hard
too fast
too soon
may overwhelm...
and drown her soul.

Yes, she looks at me
and speaks in words I understand
Pressed up against the glass
She looks out
longingly,
with envy,
at the world outside her four familiar walls.

one day she will
break free,
I know it.

With courage
break free.

Then the girl in my mirror
will be no more...

A big word

Today I learnt a big word that I not only understand but will use quite frequently I believe- at least in this lifetime. Sure I've learnt bigger words in the past such as 'supercallifragillisticexpialidocious' (wth i don;t even know how to spell it!), but I don;t see any relevance or any use of this word whatsoever in my daily life so that defeats the whole point of knowing the word. I cant go around saying..."Hi today is so supercalli...etc." cos i'll just risk sounding like a flaming idiot. aah...u get my drift.
Today's word however...is somewhat useful..and it's so amazingly long..it took me a while to digest it and then pronounce it. I like it!

p-s-e-u-d-o-h-y-p-o-p-i-t-u-i-t-a-r-i-s-m

Ah there we go! What a useful addition to my somewhat limited vocabulary!

To imagine i used to think pterygopalatine and dysdidokokinesia was long. This word is 10 syllables and 21 letters long. What a beauty!

tears

I cried today
not because I wanted to
because
I HAD to.

Tears
washes the pain
washes the frustrations
washes the insecurities

temporary relief for the soul.

dreams

When I close my eyes
My mind takes me to where you are
or finds a meeting point
a compromise
an in-between
between where i am
and where you are

To see you once again
and feel you close
t'is more than enough

Umbrella

The moon is up tonight.
Nice and bright and round.
The stars are out and about.
Little dots that stand out in the blackness.
I have been thinking of you lately
I miss you dearly.
Though separated by miles,
It's comforting to know that,
We are still under the same umbrella.
Yes that same umbrella
bridging the distance.

Hate

I hate the feeling of being all alone
I hate it.

I hate the feeling of being a burden
I hate it.

I hate the feeling of being plagued by depression
I hate it.

I hate it that there's no one on earth who cares enough to really listen
I hate it.

I hate it when I don't know how to help myself
I freaking hate it.

Hate is a strong emotion and I hate it.

The Weepies

Oh man i SO LOVE the Weepies. They rock my world. This is my favourite song.

"Not Your Year"

Scattered shadows on a wall, you watch the long light fall
Some impressions stay and some will fade
Tattered shoes outside your door, clothes all on the floor
Your life feels like the morning after all year long.

Every day it starts again
You cannot say if you're happy
You keep trying to be
Try harder, maybe this is not your year.

Movies, TV screens reflect just what you expected
There's a world of shiny people somewhere else
Out there following their bliss
living easy, getting kissed
while you wonder what else you're doing wrong

Breathe through it, write a list of desires
Make a toast, make a wish, slash some tires
Paint a heart repeating, beating "don't give up, don't give up, don't give up."

Haiku for Jeremy

The train was leaving
Late, in a hurry, he ran
Hole he did not see

Dislocated knee
He punched it back in place, pain-
Excruciating

Walks abnormally
With crutches he hops and limps
What a funny sight

OSCE haiku

I fear the unknown,
I'm troubled and unprepared,
The horror awaits.

They will stare at me,
I will not have the answers,
I leave embarassed.

Stripped of confidence,
Humiliation and shame,
Anticipated.